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A Bad Idea 36

Several star systems away, on the planet of Renflaxxx, many lightyears past Alpha Centauri (but if you hit Procyon B you’ve gone too far), the Exxterminator’s father sat on the throne.

He was a reptilian alien, with a prominent unibrow and a deep voice. Sitting across from him was a huge screen, connected to a program called “Gogolplex Outhang.” It was a powerful multi-dimensional signal, which earthlings weren’t allowed to have. Because they obviously would have uploaded a lot of their gross hairless monkey porn, which would have been uncomfortable for all involved.

“My son,” Exxterminator’s father, also known as ‘The Dad’ said, “is not on that box.”

“Oy, right you are,” Smith said.

You might be confused. What would a guy named Smith be doing on an alien planet? Well, you see, he’s British. Like all Brits, he was a serious Doctor Who fan. So, acting like a typical British person, he built a spaceship and flew it around the galaxy, getting into all sorts of wacky hijinks. But eventually he landed on Renflaxxx.

The triple x’s made him believe that Renflaxxx was a porn planet. So he touched the first boob he saw. Unfortunately, that boob was a moob, a moob that belonged to The Dad. Smith was almost executed, but ended up deciding he’d rather serve The Dad for the rest of his unholy, wildly British life.

“‘e might be out wit’ the, oy, what do you call ‘em?”

“The Owls?” The Dad asked.

“Oy, yeah! The Owls, cheerio! The Owls!”

He got up off his throne, which was actually just a La-Z-Boy recliner. “I’d like to see him, to make sure everything is alright.”

“Oy, yeah, cheerio, biscuit!” Smith said.

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3 comments on “A Bad Idea 36

  1. LOL! I barely know what’s going on but it’s funny!

    Like

  2. I really, really enjoy the quick cuts away from Anne. I like Anne, but as the designated – uh… ‘protagonist’, the only way it’s worth cutting from her POV is when you’ve got a kick-ass character sitting on a scene that needs to be told right now goddammit. Case in point: Wild Whip and Matt. Second case in point: this guy.

    Smith is now my new favourite. Matt is a close second, but Smith is the guy who naturally assumed what I assumed when I read the ‘xxx’ in there, and has the most bangin’ form of what I can only assume is British-slang Tourettes. I want you to take that in the most positive light, ’cause that’s how I meant it. 😀

    Also ‘moobs’. Tee-hee!

    Like

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