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Stories I Wrote When I Was Eight

Today I was going through some old stuff and found a workbook of mine from 2000. Given my age, I was like eight years old then. It says, “Cursive Composition,” on the front, so I’m guessing it was to practice my handwriting.

The stories I wrote in here are terrible, obviously. But I thought it might be fun to share a couple of the highlights. Spelling is left untouched because it amuses me.

The Alien

If I found an alien in my bedroom I’d scream. I’d shout. I’d call the cops. I’d call the presidint. I’d tell my mom. The end.


There was once a dog named superdog. the telephone rang it was the proffeser! he said that mr. mishtif was trieing to take over the world! super dog had to stop him! he kicked him and punched him. and he did not take over the world. The end.

I Really Don’t Like the Cold

My favorite season is summer. It is because it is hot. It is because it is not cold. It is because it is not to cool. And because school is out!

Imagine Someone Reciting This as a Spoken Word Poem. Wouldn’t That Be Beautiful?

The puppy has to climb up the bone and call it a diving board. dive in the pool and call it a ocean. dive in the drinking bowl and call it a pool. Dive in a fish tank call it a pond.

Apparently I’ve Been Making Fun of French People Since I Was Eight Because I’m a Dirty American

The snuty french restraunt 10000000000000000 miles. All they serve is fish, A fish sandwich. A fish coke, And then we get to play Bad games!


One morning poof! I was small! So then I went on the roof cause I thought it was christmas and wanted to see santa laus but then. I was big again! and moned. I wanted to see santa claus in my dream.

Where’d The Lions Go?

There was Once A lion named Kimba. Kimba loved Komba. he was the Prince of A herd. Komba loved her. so they ran away. They looked for them. They never found them.

The Future!

In the future 2095 there are Robots who ask your number. floating disks That make you fly. Disks that make you grow. And a machine that gives people.




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