Ted crouched in the swamp, trou down, the visions of his many tormentors flashing before his eyes.
“Fucking loser,” the spectre of his middle-school bully said.
“Nerd,” his oddly hostile Kindergarten teacher teased.
“You’re a disappointment to everything that I, a mean racist who never did anything with her life, stood for,” his bitchy grandma said.
“No,” Ted said, sweat coating his face, “I dump where I want to. I’m not a loser. I’m a man. A man. A manly man.”
The Giant-Sized Swamp Dick shambled onto the scene. Vines crisscrossed all across his body. His green, inhuman eyes suggested bad things.
“You shit,” the Giant-Sized Swamp Dick said, in a way that made it unclear if he was referring to Ted, or to the action Ted was taking, “in my swamp?”
Ted, shitting himself with fear but realizing that honesty was always the best policy, said, “Yes.”
And that’s the story of how the Giant-Sized Swamp Dick brutally slaughtered Ted and Vinnie.
MEGAPULP 
GODDAMMIT, BILLY.
Clearly, making it on my list is a kiss of death.
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