After the last couple years spent writing some 300,000 words, split between Kinda Super Gay, Godpunk, A Bad Idea, and Pixel Courage, it seems like I should have so much to say.
Sitting here, writing this, it’s hard to get past that simple word.
I posted the first chapter of Kinda Super Gay on November 5, 2014, my birthday. (It was on its own separate site, before I moved everything to Megapulp in May 2015. You wouldn’t know it, though, because WordPress won’t let me back-date the posts without messing up their urls. And yes, that’s been bothering me ever since, because I’m petty.)
If you’d told me everything that would happen after that: getting readers, commenters, over 100,000 views and some reviews that were kinder than anything I ever could’ve imagined…
I don’t know what my reaction would’ve been. A part of me would’ve been surprised and happy.
Honestly, at the very beginning I was a much less confident writer. I’d put in a lot of hard work and I’d been to workshops, but the question still remained. Would random strangers on the internet like my stuff?
The answer to that, I’m happy to say, has been yes.
At the same time, I would’ve been sad. Because I wanted more.
That’s a scary thing to admit, since most web serialists are so good at the humility thing.
“Oh, I had no idea what I was getting into. I was just doing this for fun, but then it grew into so much more.”
Or, “I just wanted to practice my writing. Why, I had no idea anyone would actually read my stuff!”
That was never me.
Haha, that was never, ever me!
Not only did I want people to read my stuff. I wanted to make a living as a web serialist.
That might not seem so crazy now, after Wildbow, Drew Hayes, and a few others have begun to money off their work.
But the truth is, I didn’t start wanting to be a professional web serialist in 2014.
It goes back further, to 2011, which was when I actually began posting my first web serial.
(Yes, it’s listed on Web Fiction Guide. No, it’s not worth finding.)
And the truth is, it goes back even further, to 2005.
I was in 6th grade, and I’d spent the summer at my brother’s house. He was older than me by a couple decades, so his place was pretty nice. And he’d started seeing some success in sales, which meant he’d started subscribing to business magazines.
There was one in particular that grabbed my eye: an issue of Entrepreneur. It had an article about people making money from their blogs.
Honestly? That was one of the biggest moments in my creative/intellectual life. Because it made me realize I wanted to make money writing a blog. But not just any blog, man, like, a blog where I wrote fiction and stuff.
It sounded crazy back then. Sounds pretty crazy today. But it’s what I wanted to do.
I wrote serialized stories that I never posted (thank god). Wrote a couple that I shouldn’t have posted but did (whoops). And eventually spent years writing the stories on this site.
They’re stories I’m very proud of, stories that found a readership. I never monetized, for a number of reasons (lack of confidence, lack of patience, etc.)
But at the end of the day, I’m really proud of what’s been posted here. And I’m thankful for the many, many people who gave me the time of day.
Thank you all for reading. I didn’t do exactly what I wanted to do with this site, but in a way I’m glad.
If this is what failure looks like, well goddammit, I’d be happy to fail for the rest of my life.
I’m getting busy in my life, so you won’t see me here for awhile. Am I going to be gone for a couple months, a couple years, a decade?
Honestly, I’m not quite sure. I just know that I need some time to work on whatever comes next.
In the meantime, you make sure to have some fun adventures, alright? I’ll make sure to have plenty, too. 😉
Thanks for everything. I’ll see you again sometime.