Tim burst through the door to the Killer’s Gallery boardroom.
“Hey, my buddies, my pal-ios. Sorry I’m late, traffic was killer.” He laughed, pointing at the murderous board members, who were sitting around an ominous wood table. They were currently cloaked by darkness. “Hope you haven’t killed anyone recently.”
“That woud’ve killed at the croquet club.” He shut the door, realizing he shouldn’t piss the killers off unnecessarily. “Though they might not understand the joke because they don’t kill people, haha.”
Tim began slapping the wall, looking for the light switch.
“Don’t,” one of the shadowy figures said.
Time couldn’t tell which shadow it was. He put his hands up in the air, as if surrendering.
“Alright, okay,” he said. “If my years of business experience have taught me anything, it’s how to read people. And reading the room right now, I can tell there’s a little tension.”
“Sit.” The word came from one of the shadowy figures. Once again, Tim couldn’t tell which one.
He wondered how they did that. He went to sit, but only half his butt landed on his chair. This is why it would be nice to turn some lights on. Instead of voicing the thought, he scooted over so that the entirety of his butt was on the chair.
“Now, boys. Guys. Budsters. Let’s talk–”
“How did this happen?” a shadow asked.
“How did w–”
“Four hundred assassins went after each other last night — some three hundred died. They were supposedly sent to kill each other by app users, but we contacted the buyers. They have assured us their accounts were hacked.”
“Psh, that’s just a negotiating tactic.” Tim waved his hand at the shadows, as if this wasn’t worth his time. “They tell you they didn’t buy, threaten a lawsuit. It’s–”
“It’s incompetence. Yours, specifically. Explain to me how this happened.”
“Well, I have no idea!”
“The Board came together and agreed on the programmer we would put in charge of developing the app. Do you remember this?”
Tim didn’t say anything.
“When we contacted the programmer, we were informed they had not actually worked on the project. Why is that?”
Beads of sweat formed on Tim’s forehead. “Well, you know, they were expensive. And I had to think about future value for shareholders. The guy I chose kept the cops out of the system, right?”
“The cops haven’t been our problem. Given the severity of the breach, we believe our problem has been caused by a supergenius.”
Tim got out of his seat. “Look, you guys are blowing this way out of proportion. I mean, you’re killing me here! Wha–”
A bullet flew from one of the shadows and into Tim’s head. Blood squirted out as he fell to the floor.
“Now then,” a shadow said. “Let’s get to work.”