A long fuckin’ time ago, the universe began.
Now, you might have some questions, like, “what the fuck is going on?” and “what story I’m reading?” or maybe even just, “is the guy writing this drunk right now?
Well, the answers to these questions are “You’re reading a story,” “You’re reading a story named A Bad Idea,” and “I wish.”
Anyway, like I was saying, a long fuckin’ time ago, the universe began. I don’t really know how it happened: a Big Bang, guy with a white beard, Furby sex. There are a lot of possibilities. I wasn’t there. Do you think I look that old? If so, you’re kind of an asshole.
Like I was saying, universe began, long time ago, bla bla bla. There were atoms, probably? Molecules? Bacteria? I don’t really know science very well, but suffice it to say there were tiny fucking particles that combined with other tiny particles to make rad-ass shit like dinosaurs.
Dinosaurs, am I right?
Anyway, those particles were made up of even smaller, doper-ass particles called quarks and leptons. And on one of those tiny-ass particles, there existed a tiny civilization, filled with people called Mumites. One of those Mumites was named Janet.
Janet was a badass bitch, for reasons I’ll explain tomorrow.