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A Bad Idea 102

Melissa Klaw got out of bed just as the Sun was rising. This was, coincidentally, at around the same time when Cat usually went to bed.

She’d kind of expected to be able to get a couple hours of sleep before Melissa got up, in all honesty. But that clearly wasn’t meant to be. Tumblr had kept her up until the sunrise. Now her desire for both money and lols had to keep her up until night fell again.

The second Melissa exited her room, Cat got off her phone and stood to attention.

“Hello,” she said, in the most ridiculous British accent she could muster. It was low-pitched, designed to be as condescending as possible. She bowed. “Would the madame care for breakfast? Perhaps a voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir?”

Melissa crossed two of her arms, while scratching the top of her head with the third. “You’re the new butler?”

“Yes,” Cat said, wearing the tux that’d been meant for The Golden Man. Luckily it actually kind of fit her, because George was the sort of fuck up who had totally bought a tux too small for the Golden Man. “I’m something of an elite butler, from the school of Hardnux.”

“I’m sorry.” Klaw wiped a bit of sleeper out of one of her eyes. “The school of hard knocks?”

“No, no, no.” Cat tried to channel every celebrity French chef she’d seen, slipping out of the British accent, then slipping right back in when she said, “The school of Hardnux.”

“I can’t have heard you correctly.”

“I’m sorry, my accent is sometimes much too fancy for some philoopinoodilians.”

“For what?”

“It’s British slang for Americans.”

Klaw nodded her head. “Did you say you come from the school of Hardnux?”

Cat shook her head, looking at Klaw with something resembling pity. “Allow me to make you the voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir. It’s my specialty.” A truly terrible cook, she made her way to the kitchen, where she decided she would make a batch of pancakes, then just drown them in vodka.

As Cat moved to the kitchen, Melissa Klaw said, “I thought you were supposed to be golden.”

“In Britain, cats are considered fool’s gold.”

Melissa Klaw nodded, thinking this new butler was very profound and cosmopolitan.

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One comment on “A Bad Idea 102

  1. This story is fricking nuts and I love it.


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