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A Bad Idea 81

Roughly a minute before Anne burst into the embassy, Emma sat in Smurfblatt’s office, trying to explain her problem.

While she did so, she spun the globe sitting on Smurfblatt’s desk. Well, it wasn’t quite a globe. It was a depiction of Fleminick, so it was shaped like a spear. Still, the metal depiction of the planet could be spun. Of course, as soon as it was done, it always pointed down again. Emma thought it looked like a downwards arrow, pointing to Hell.

“Yeah,” Emma said. “This Fleminicki, uh, you know.”

Smurfblatt was thankful that Emma had decided on discretion this time. Last time she’d described in intimate detail the sex positions she’d had with a Fleminicki. It was easier to deal with her when she was being subtle.

“What I’m saying,” she continued, “is that I’m going to need child support, you know? So I’m gonna need to hop on a spaceship as soon as possible.”

“I’m truly sorry,” Smurfblatt said, struggling desperately not to drop an f-bomb every third word, trying very hard to remember the course he’d taken on Earth Manners, “but that’s just not possible at this time. You see, space travel is–” The sound of a door breaking startled him. “Fucking shitball pigfucker!”

He paused for a second, taking a breath. Having collected himself, he said, “I’m sorry, Fleminicki custom requires that I swear when startled.”

Emma tried to hide the smile. “It’s alright.”

“I should really check what that was.” Smurfblatt stood up and made his way towards the door. “If you’ll wait for just one moment.”

“No problem,” Emma said, muscles tensed as she got ready to move towards his computer.

He left the room, and she pounced towards his computer. The first thing she saw when she wiggled the mouse and woke the computer was porn.

Alien porn.

“Goddammit,” she said.

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