Don’t Diss Topia Part 3

“Lillie Bit,” The Test Giver told me, “You truly are special.”

“Thanks,” I said, having no qualms about imitating my sister. I brushed my boring brown hair out of my face.

“As such, yours is a special case,” The Test Giver said. “I’ve been instructed that this is more than just a personality test. Whatever you tell me you want, I’m to get for you.”

“Mhm,” I said.

“So, what is it that you want?”

“I’m thirsty.”

His face twisted with confusion. “Alright, but a bottle of water can easily be arranged. Is that–”

“No,” I said, leaning in and trying to impart the gravity of the situation. “I’m thirsty.

He sat there. “I’m lost.”

“I want the D.”

“The D?”

“The one-eyed snake.”

“That sounds like animal cruelty.”

“I want dicks,” I said, perhaps a little more loudly than was proper. “Men and their dicks. That’s what I want.”

He nodded his head, taking it in stride. He picked up a pen and a pad of paper. “Any dicks in particular?”

“Dirk Dunrich,” I said, “and Elton Weasel.”

“So, two dicks,” The Test Giver said.


“And that’s it?”


“You’re sure?”

“I know what I’m about,” I said.

“Sorry for asking, but there’s this prophecy about you.”


“Yeah. It says that your desires can shape our society towards a better tomorrow. So what you’re saying is that getting freaky with these two guys is going to be what shapes Disney World’s better tomorrow?”

“This is the Least Happy Place on Earth,” I said. “It can hardly make things worse.”

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3 comments on “Don’t Diss Topia Part 3

  1. I love this. Absolutely has me ogling like a schoolgirl. Probably because I totally get it!!


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